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I'm not as think as you drunk I am!

who says people choose their parents?

you see, i have an older sister.. shes almost 23.

since shes older, magically she knows more than me? whatever, bookwise- thats a laugh. streetwise- we are about equal. 

don't get me wrong, i'm in no way jealous... it's just that when it is just my sister and me... we are fine, she treats me like an adult.   when it's just my mother and me... same thing, treats me with respect. but oddly when they are together they bash on me. suddenly i'm a ten year old who knows nothing, all the mistakes i've made, surface.. my friends are always in the wrong. what i'm not understanding is how it varies SO MUCH from when we are seperate to when we are all together. 

my sister is a waitress. she lives paycheck to paycheck. everyone can tell she doesnt really like it.

i want to be a writer. i want to love what i do and do anything i want in life (i'm not saying i'll be rich... just more so free spirited than her)

all my dreams are laid on the table and my parents step on them.   if it's not my sister's way of living then it's not imaginable. i mean, wouldnt you want more for you children than to live with a fear of change. my parents (especially my mom) tell me that they know i can do it but i think in all reality they are scared. 

you see, i'll be the first one in my family to go to college. i think in my sister's case there is some sort of jealousy in that (i mean, she really doesnt have a reason to be jealous, she could go to school too if she wanted.) and i think my parents are scared shitless. i mean i guess it isnt easy to have a child who goes after what they want, and want something so precise. i mean i see my future and i'm proud.

people can say they are going to do something, but they don't, and then there are those few who actually do it. i'm one of those.

i guess i'm just tired of getting shit for wanting more than jessica's predictable life.

enough useless rambling.
off to Frankfurt-

liebe, mich


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June 2009